Wanting Peace
Have you ever reminisced and thought to yourself, "I haven't felt like that in years" or "Those were some good times".
The Memories
I began saying these things to myself when I hit 13. Being at home sitting alone in my room reminiscing about all the fun my best friend and I used to play hopscotch on roller blades back in elementary, not skates, but roller blades.
I thought of how talented we were and we impressed each other. Now, mind you, I would still see my best friend just about everyday. She lived only a few blocks away.
After that day of reminiscing and thinking to myself, we had so much fun but we don't do those things anymore. Instead, we would climb trees and go swimming, riding our bikes up and down steep hills. My bike was always so rough and it would take so much energy going up the steep hills but I was determined because I knew it was going to be fun coming back down.
When it would snow, we would lay out in the snow talking and just being silly (didn't have cell phones in those days lol). Looking up at the sky until it got dark and stars began to shine. That's when we would go back in and lay by the fireplace. Our skin felt like needle and pins but it was worth it.
Less Fortunate Than Others
One year later after this day, we were no longer close because my family and I had to move to a city nearby, about an hour away but felt like forever. My family moved around a lot.
After we moved into the nearby city, we kept in touch and she came to stay with me during that summer. It took time to get used to this because there were more roads and buildings than what I was used to.
My family was not as fortunate as others and we would go dumpster diving. My parents kept us safe and made sure that we didn't feel less fortunate than the other kids. Even though we didn't have the nice things that the other kids had, we were content with it.
I was blind to the fact that dumpster diving was not something that families normally do. And during that summer, she came along with us not knowing that's what the activity for the day was going to be. I hopped right into the dumpster as usual, excited and ready to find things that I have been wanting. These were clean dumpsters where grocery stores would throw away sealed/packaged food and drinks that haven't expired yet but nearing the expiration date.
When I hopped in there and found some pudding, I was ecstatic and jumped up, head poking out of the dumpster with the pudding in my hand high up in the air and a big grin on my face yelling, "Look! We've got pudding! Come on Alice, come get some snacks!" My best friend's eyes grew big and the expression on her face was ... shocked, sad, and confused. She wasn't disgusted, she was concerned. She shook her head and went back to the car.
That's when I realized that I was inside a dumpster and was picking through trash, it was clean throw aways, but I was in a dumpster.
After my friend left and went back home. I felt that I wasn't worth her friendship and that we are two different people. I didn't keep in touch with her much after that, even though she sent me such an amazing birthday gift that I thought the world of, it wasn't that significant to others, but it meant the world to me. She would still call me and I would tell her how much I have changed, mentioning the negatives and trying to be cool at the same time.
I began running with the wrong crowd and the phone calls, gifts, letters... they all stopped coming. Her kindness was very much appreciated but It wasn't reciprocated, not that I didn't want to but I just didn't think I was worthy. I didn't know why back then, but I know now.
I continued to make friends, but I wasn't good at keeping in touch or reaching out. When we would move, I would make empty promises to send letters and call. I just wasn't good at those things and couldn't understand why.
As I became older, I would admit to my friends that I am horrible at keeping touch. I didn't know why, but I know now.
I thought that I was great at self evaluation all these years because ever since I was a little girl I would go to bed at night replaying the interactions I had that day and what I could have done better or how I should act. Maybe certain situations would have played out better. I began molding myself and creating my mask.
Fast forward to my 40s. I now take off my mask now and then. I chip away at my own walls for myself. I have come to the realization that I have been in this identity crisis for over 40 years.
So much has happened in my life between then and now, of course, but one thing that hasn't changed that has helped me slowly unmask and become at peace with myself are the daily habits I realized I had began creating since I was just a little girl to now. I have broken them down to only 5 in hopes that these daily habits will be simple enough and helpful for you to implement.
Journaling makes practicing easier and can keep track of your progress. Click here for a great journal that is effective for me and it may be for you as well.
Let's get into it!
Here are my 5 Daily Habits that has brought more peace into my life:
1. Be honest with yourself
Practice by reminiscing about both the good and the hard moments. Start small. Allow yourself to sit in your feelings without judgment. Accept what comes up—peace begins with truth.
Why: Honesty lets you stop performing and start healing.
Daily practice: Spend five minutes journaling one interaction from the day and one feeling you avoided.
Example: I write: “IT was wrong of me, but I continued …,” then name one small corrective action.
2. Remind yourself it’s okay to give yourself 100%
Even if you don’t fully know how yet. Start with something small that brings you joy or comfort.
Why: Giving yourself 100% will allow yourself to love and care for others at 100%, as well as allowing others your love and care for you at 100%. You won't need to rely on others to make you feel better about yourself.
Daily Practice: Pick one thing that gets you out of the comfort zone, but is something that you know would eventually help you positively evolve into your full self.
Example: Let yourself laugh loudly, save money for something meaningful, or simply exist as yourself—without shrinking. Peace grows when you stop holding yourself back.
3. Stay present in the moment
Peace doesn’t live in the past or the future—it lives in right now. Be grateful for the moments you have now.
Why: So you don't miss out on the important most memorable experiences of your life or having created that most amazing memorable time someone experienced with you and it becomes something that they will carry in their hearts.
Daily Practice: Take a few minutes each day to slow down. Notice your breathing, your surroundings, or even your thoughts. Even 10 minutes of mindfulness can reduce stress and improve emotional balance. [health.harvard.edu], [sciencedaily.com]
Example: I wasn't able to go to the river to stick my feet in the water and lay back to enjoy the serene environment. So, I would step outside my complex, sit under a tree out front, then activate my tunnel vision where I only focused on the mountains I could see past the street with traffic and power lines. Focused on the sky above the mountains as I felt my bare feet melt into into the nice cool ground and focused on my breathing. I either had earplugs in to block out the city noise, or headphones to listen to music and let my imagination take me to those mountains. I was very grateful to be able to think of doing something like that. - Practice gratitude as well. Gratitude is very important in our journey.
4. Practice self-compassion (talk to yourself kindly)
The way you speak to yourself matters.
Growth is not being perfect. Growth is being willing to look honestly at yourself without tearing yourself down.
Why: Research shows that mindfulness and self-awareness practices improve emotional well-being and reduce negative thinking. [pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov]
Daily Practice: Whenever you admit to yourself that you were wrong could have reacted differently, or could have made better choices, remind yourself that your are growing. Turn your experiences into wisdom. This is a part of life, it all depends on how we handle things and how we see things (without judgement upon others or yourself). As we learn, grow, and apply those lessons, we continue to evolve into the fullest version of ourselves.
Example:
Instead of “I’m not good enough,” try:
“I’m learning.”
“I’m growing.”
“I did my best today."
-OR-
"I could have done that differently, and now I know better", rather than:
"I could have done that differently, so there must be something wrong with me."
5. Let go of what you cannot control
This is one of the hardest, but most freeing habits.
Somethings are just not meant for us to control. Instead of trying to control it, learn to adapt.
Why: Letting go will reduce stress, increase mental clarity, prevent emotion burnout/exhaustion. You'll be able to focus more on the important things that truly matter.
Daily Practice: Remind yourself that not every relationship is meant to last the same way forever. Not every version of you is meant to stay.
Example: Write down what bothered you about certain outcomes, or situation, that you find yourself dwelling on and tell yourself:
What can I control?
- My attitude
- My effort
- My response
- My choices
- My next step
What can I not control?
- Other people's opinions
- Other people's actions
- The past
- The timing of outcomes
- Whether everything goes according to plan
Peace comes when you stop trying to control outcomes and start trusting your path. Put forth the effort for yourself - control your effort, not the outcome.
Learn the lesson. Keep the wisdom. Release the weight.
Printable coming soon!
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